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Letter from Brussels: Cross-Border Behavior? Get a Life!

by De Ket in Columns & Opinions , 22 januari 2018

Dit artikel is ook in het Nederlands beschikbaar

Those who follow the reports on the many accusations of inappropriate behavior and sexual assault must have experienced some mixed emotions. I don’t want to diminish the people who truly have had experienced something traumatic, for instance dealing with rape, but now, everything seems to be cross-border behavior.

Some Flemish newspapers and women’s magazines have reserved a lot of space to let women complain about having had an over-enthusiastic pat on the back by their superior once, or, even worse, a hug after a fun team building event. If that is considered cross-border behavior, I should be put behind bars for several decades. I plead guilty to all charges.

Every touch now seems to be cross-border behavior. In the future, the definition will probably become even more strict, and men will not be allowed to stare at a woman anymore. The pendulum of the metronome is swinging to the extreme. For the time being, we have to guess what the intentions are of all those women who - anonymously or otherwise - suddenly want to spill the beans in the media. Some women will truly have had very bad experiences indeed, while others might hope that after a complaint, their bank account will benefit.

Here and there, instances of cross-border behavior in the gay community surface. We are not talking about Kevin Spacey not being able to keep his hands off of desirable men, but about the various testimonies in gay magazines or on gay forums of men who feel or felt “attacked.” Often, it concerns younger men who have fallen victim to an unintended touch of an older man. They usually do not mention that this occurred in a cruise bar, nor that they think of “older men” as old perverts. Or that they were on their knees in a darkroom, where the older man “came into contact” with them.

Anyone coming out with a story about cross-border behavior in a cruise bar will become a laughing stock. When women fall victim to something, a whole bunch of gay men suddenly feel they fell victim to something similar as well. A kind of male assertiveness. As this has happened to women, they also want to have a piece of the pie.

While activists go mental when men make fun of feminine or flamboyant conduct, that very same group will go to great lengths to identify with women, even when it concerns cross-border behavior, which is mostly far-fetched. Or how that group of gays shows disdain towards women who truly had to endure terrible things. But those terrible things did not happen in a dark room, were not because of an old pervert, and did not happen after several drinks too many.

Apparently, some gay people always feel the need to blow everything out of proportion and abuse a situation at the expense of those who truly suffer. When they are courted by someone they are not into, they immediately label it cross-border behavior. To those people, please, get a life!

Yours sincerely,

De Ket




In the New Issue of Gay News, 335, July 2019

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