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Gay News : Publications : Issue 282 : Reijers World: ‘Are you into watersports?’

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Reijers World: ‘Are you into watersports?’

by Reijer Breed in Columns & Opinions , 04 maart 2015

When we were little boys, we were peeing next to each other in a ditch. Being little boys, Jan, a neighborhood boy and I were warned not to pee against barbed wire. But Jan and I were curious. “Do you dare?,” Jan asked.

I took my little dick out of my pants and started peeing against the barbed wire: “Ouch.” “Now it’s your turn,” I commanded. So Jan did it too: “Ouch.” Some dense sheep were observing us.

Once I was at the Web bar with a couple of guys, and an acquaintance came down via the stairs and said: “There’s a boy in the bathtub upstairs.” I finished my beer and had a look. In the dark room next to the cubicles was a young man lying in the bathtub in a thin layer of urine. There was already a man there. “Pee all over me,” he asked. As I was full of beer, I aimed while he opened his mouth. And as we were peeing all over him, I could only think: “How will he get home?”

Once, on the gay VPRO radio show “Ook zo?” we played “Pissing in a River” by Patty Smith. A lady called us, totally outraged: “How dare you play such a scandalous song? And sung by a woman!”

Pissing in a river, watching it Rise
Tattoo fingers shy away from me
Voices, voices mesmerize
Voices, voices becoming sea
Come, come, come, come back come back
Come back, come back, come back

Should I pursue a path so twisted?
Should I crawl defeated and gifted?
Should I go the length of a river
the royal, the throne, the cry me a river
What about it, what about it, what about it
Oh, I’m pissing in a River

I was looking at my favorite site:, live cams from all over the world. I click on a photo that says “luckylex.” I see a beautiful black man of twenty-four, Lex, and his smaller twenty-one-year-old boyfriend, Jeff. Their audio is on, and they answer the questions of boys and men looking at them. “Do you two like porn?,” a guy from New York wants to know. Lex: “We only like interracial porn. I only like white ass. I mean, I only like Jeff’s white ass.” Jeff kisses Lex. A man from Canada asks: “Do you flip-flop? Lex answers decidedly: “No, I am a total top. I don’t do that shit.” The same man then asks: “Are you into piss?” Lex: “No, I don’t like to be pissed on. We are from Texas and we don’t do that shit here.” But then Jeff suddenly says: “I received a golden shower once. When I was totally drunk on tequila.” They really made me laugh.

A very hairy American once kissed me at the bar of the Amstel Taveerne. His friend gave him a poke and hissed: “Get a room.” The American whispered in my ear: “Are you into water sports?” As I love swimming, I told him: “Yes.” He stood up and said: “Wanna go to my hotel?"

And much to my surprise, it was a very wet night indeed.

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In the New Issue of Gay News, 312, August 2017

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Sept. 9 @ Phantasia Land

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