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Reijers World: In the pinky or in the stinky?

by Reijer Breed in Columns & Opinions , 11 juni 2014

Dit artikel is ook in het Nederlands beschikbaar

I was on the terrace of the Waag with my girlfriends Marion and Anja. We were enjoying the sun on the Nieuwmarkt when Anja said: “I’m in my forties now, and I’m starting to notice it’s much easier to pick up younger men.

They follow me around like puppies. A friend of mine told me I shouldn’t make it too difficult for men: if you’re wearing a mini-skirt, you should wear a high-necked blouse. And if you have a plunging neckline, you should wear trousers or a long skirt. You can direct their attention that way.” She saw that our handsome young waiter arrived with our drinks, and quickly undid another button on her blouse. “Do you have a girlfriend?,” she asked the waiter. “No,” he answered curtly, “I have a boyfriend.” We all had to laugh.

Every time we meet, we talk about the state of the world, but our favorite subject is sex. Marion said: “Last time, we talked about how we feel that a thick penis is more important than a long penis. But for a couple of weeks now, I have a boyfriend who has a think one and a long one! His name is Ricardo. He’s a tall black guy from Brazil. His English is pretty good, but sometimes he talks in this kind of baby talk. Some time ago, he stood up during sex, all sweaty, and said: ‘Me open window. You more quiet. Neighbors.’

It really made me laugh. And last week, he suddenly asked: ‘What are we gonna do tonight. In the pinky or in the stinky?’ It took a while before I got it and yelled: ‘No!’ ‘Are you still a virgin there?,’ Ricardo asked.” We almost died laughing. “Dolly,” I said. “They’ve been knocking on my backdoor since I was fourteen.” Marion continued: “Ricardo was working on me for two nights. But we finally managed. And truth be told: I loved it.” Laughing, Anja said: “I’m happy for you, but it’s not up my alley.

Bobby, my nineteen-year-old boyfriend, had come to visit me on his school holidays. We were sitting next to each other in front of my computer. I showed him I clicked on “Martini_4202,” seeing three men lying on a bed. It took a while to get a picture. Taking turns, two tops were fucking a boy with a collar. Below, it read: age: 20, body hair: beard, residence: Montreal, Canada. The tops were alternately speaking French and English. Bobby said: “That boy is really into it. I would like that too. In my fantasies, I also get fucked. But that has never happened.” I replied: “Why don’t you practice with a smooth dildo?” “I’m practicing already, and I have a vibrator,” he said. We continued looking at the bottom who looked very happy. And in the background, we heard Pharell Williams’ song “Happy.”

It might seem crazy
What I’m about to say

Sunshine, she’s here
You can take a break
I’m a hot air balloon
That could go to space
With the air
Like I don’t care
Baby, by the way

Uh, because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy

“Can’t you try it on me?,” Bobby asked. “You know what...,” I said. “I’ll put a condom on. We’ll apply lots of lubricant, and I will lie on my back, so you can sit on top of me. That way, you can steer.” And little by little, I felt Bobby sitting deeper onto me, up to the point I was completely inside of him. I felt him squeezing. After a while, Bobby disengaged. “Can we do it again next time?,” Bobby asked. “Sure,” I said. Bobby then gave me the sweetest kiss I had in years.

Back on the terrace, our waiter gave us our umpteenth round. Girlfriend Anja said: “I think it is great for you guys. But it’s a bridge too far for me. I had a boyfriend who all of a sudden tried. But no way. My back door is completely locked.” “Well...,” Marion said, “It’s better you don’t start. It’s addictive. The day before yesterday, Ricardo was at my place. He was on top of me and said: ‘And?’ I immediately said: ‘In the stinky please!’”



In the New Issue of Gay News, 321, May 2018

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